women's sex driveThere’s no specific number of times you should be having sex. Yet if you feel like you’re not enjoying sex, or you have noticed a decrease in how often you have sex, there may be underlying causes for a low libido. While you won’t know for certain what the true issue is until you talk with a doctor, these common reasons for decreased desire for sex may help you understand what’s going on.

Problems Communicating

For women, feeling close is a major part of desire and sex without intimacy can hurt desire. Try spending more non-sexual couple time together. Talk, cuddle, offer massages. As you find ways to express love without sex, it can rebuild your sex drive. If you’re finding it difficult feel close, particularly after a major disagreement or life change, schedule time with a couple’s counselor.


If you’re feeling pressure at work or you’ve had an argument with a friend, your cortisol is likely increased. Cortisol suppresses testosterone, which in turn, makes you less likely to be in the mood for sex. Learning how to handle it in a healthy way really helps. Talking to a counselor can also help.


Alcohol is a double-edged sword. A drink can relax you and make you more inclined to have sex. Yet too much alcohol can stifle your sex drive. Seek help if you notice alcohol negatively affecting your life, including your sex life.   

Too Little Sleep

Research by the National Sleep Foundation found that 25% of married Americans say they are often too tired to have sex with their partner.  Anything that affects your rest can affect your sex desire. If working on better sleep habits doesn’t help, talk to your doctor. Of course, if you’ve recently had a baby, you’re almost certainly not getting enough sleep. Hire a babysitter to nurture some time to be partners as well as parents or try sex during baby’s nap time.


Some medications can decrease your sexual desire. They include some of these types:

  • Antidepressants
  • Blood pressure medications
  • Birth control pills
  • Chemotherapy
  • Anti-HIV drugs

Tell your doctor if your sex drive stalls soon after you start taking a new drug. Changing drugs or dosages may help — ask your doctor but never stop taking any medicine on your own.


Depression can diminish pleasure in many things, including sex. Tell your doctor if your sex drive is low, especially if you’re taking medication, since some depression drugs lower sex drive. Speak to your therapist about it as well.


For many women, menopause’s symptoms, such as dryness and pain, can lessen their sex drive. By focusing on your self-esteem, your relationship quality, and your overall health, it’s possible to have a great sex life.